—Questions my mother never answered

Congrats for being brave enough to ask your questions — certainly they're ones that others have, also.

First, your nipples get highly sensitive when aroused, which is why it feels good to have them sucked on during sex. But it is totally normal for them to be "overstimulated," touched or sucked too much, to the point of pain. Your breasts are supplied with numerous nerve endings, which are important in the delivery of milk to a nursing baby. These are the same nerves that make your breasts highly sensitive to touch. Let your boyfriend know that you like it when he sucks on your nipples, but that at some point, your nipples get really tender. Maybe you can intersperse activities so that he doesn't suck on your nipples continuously, or you can develop a signal to let him know when it's getting to be too much. This is part of sexual communication, and learning how you each like to be turned on. Try not to make it an issue, but an opportunity for growth and a way to make things more fun, not more tense!

As far as vaginal smells go, all women have some scent, which varies from woman to woman and from time to time. Some men like the smell, some don't. Unless you have a vaginal infection or poor hygienic practices, your unique fragrance need not be so strong as to offend your boyfriend. This is especially true considering that his mouth is not up in your vagina and that his nose is actually quite far away (probably above your vagina, somewhere in your pubic hair). If he says he likes your scent and taste, believe him! He cannot transmit any diseases to you from his saliva, as few bacteria or viruses are present in a high enough concentration in saliva to be passed on to another person. However, if he has herpes simplex virus type 1 (i.e., cold sores) in his mouth and/or on his lips, it can be transmitted to your vagina through oral sex. If he does have a history of oral herpes, cut a dry condom into a square and use it to cover your vaginal lips, acting as protection in between his mouth and your vulva.

In terms of you tasting his cum, there is a much bigger risk of transmitting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). HIV can be transferred through unprotected oral sex on a man, and there have recently been a few documented cases in this country. Of course, this is only if your partner is HIV +, and if it's true that he's only had 1 one night stand of safer sex and he hasn't used intravenous drugs, he's in a pretty low risk group. Stick with your manual practices, or satisfy him by oral pleasuring him until the moment before he ejaculates, and until you've been with each other longer, know your commitment level, and perhaps have even both gotten tested for HIV (confidential testing is available Health Services at Columbia's Gay Health Advocacy Project). Again, herpes can be transmitted from his penis to your mouth, if he is infected with the herpes virus. Unfortunately, herpes is one of those diseases that can be carried asymptomatically, so even without ejaculation, it's not a bad idea to use a condom for oral sex. A few types of unlubricated condoms are available at Health Services at Columbia, including some specifically made for oral sex.

Please don't get scared away from sex. Integrating condoms into your sex life in the beginning can alleviate many problems of trust and/or disease later on. Enjoy your exploring!

Alice

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