Dear Alice,
I am (still!) a virgin and have a question about the hymen. I know mine
is not entirely intact, because I did a lot of horseback riding as a
child. But as I'm not a tampon-user (nor wish to become one), I'm not
exactly sure how painful intercourse will be, for the first time, nor
what will happen to the hymen.
I always assumed it was a thin membrane that, upon penetration, would
shrink evenly to the sides. But I seem to have what you might call a
flesh tab, and though I've looked at pictures offered in Our Bodies,
Ourselves, I'm not sure I understand how an opening will be created,
and have the horrifying idea that a piece of flesh is going to drop out or
be torn right out of me. Is it normal to have a flesh tab? What will
happen to it? And if I tried inserting a tampon, would that facilitate the
tearing process? Please help.
Yours,
Tawanda
Dear Tawanda,
The hymen is a thin membrane, with a space or spaces for periods to flow
through, which partially blocks the opening of the
vaginal introitus, or vaginal entrance. Hymens can be stretched or torn
during the first experience of sexual penetration, or with tampon use or
other non-sexual activity. It can also be stretched with fingers. Some
females are born without hymens. Once torn or stretched, the hymen becomes
an irregular ring of tissue around the vaginal opening.
From your description, it sounds like your hymen is partially still in
place. This need not cause you any concern. This flesh tab will shrink
to the sides of the vagina following increased pressure on the hymen,
through tampon, penis, or other object insertion in your vagina. You could
also stretch your hymen yourself. It is a relatively simple procedure.
Place a finger into your vagina (which can be lubricated with
lube or saliva) and apply pressure on the vaginal entrance
by pressing downward toward the anus. Keep the pressure on for a few
minutes, then release it. Repeat this procedure several times, each time
with a little more pressure. Then insert two fingers and apply pressure
to the sides of the vaginal entrance, in addition to the downward
stretching. This whole process can be repeated over several days and
usually reduces any discomfort during a first experience
of intercourse. However, keep in mind that in the majority
of cases (though every female is different), the first coital experience
is generally nontraumatic, with limited discomfort and minor, if any,
bleeding.
- Alice
Related Q&As
- Questioning girlfriend's virginity
- Hymen replacement surgery
Go Ask Alice! is not an emergency or instant response service. If you are in an urgent situation, please click here to view a list of 24 hour support services and hotlines.
Hymen stretching
