Alice,
Boy, am I confused. I am married and love my wife dearly. We have
had a great sex life and do everything together. Recently, I have had
thoughts about another woman joining us during sex. I didn't tell my wife
this, however. Just a short time ago, my wife said that she thought that
I would like to make love to her and another woman. I thought she was
joking. She wasn't. I have responded that I felt that she probably
wouldn't like that. She responded that she didn't know about that.
I'm not sure what to do. Do I see if she wants to try this, or just let
it ride? I fear that if we did do this, that she would want to also bring
in another man. While I want her to be happy, I am not interested in
another man. (She hasn't suggested this even when I jokingly suggest that
she would like this.) Even if she did want to do this, where do you find
persons willing to try this type of sexual encounter?
— Totally Unsure
Dear Totally Unsure,
You raise a few different points here. First of all, just because your
wife suggested a threesome with another woman does not at all mean that
she's interested in a threesome with another man. They are two different
sexual fantasies. Second of all, it's funny that you talk about your
fantasy of another woman joining you and your wife first, when it seems
that the threesome was really your wife's idea, and that when you thought
about it, it sounded good to you, too!
If you do bring up the subject again with your wife, there's nothing
wrong with giving it a try, as long as you're all practicing safer sex,
and as long as both you and your wife agree to the terms of the
encounter(s). You may need to discuss some things such as: What happens
if two of the three people involved pair off and exclude the third? Is it
desirable/pleasurable for one person to be the voyeur and not
participate? What part of the fantasy turns each of you on? Can the other
partner live with that fantasy? When you do start to find women who might
want to be involved in a threesome, do you both have to be turned on to
her? What if one of you isn't? Do you have friends that you can ask to
join you? Or, does it have to be someone neither of you knows
beforehand?
As far as where to find a third, often personal ads are placed in
local alternative newspapers for people seeking different types of sexual
encounters. And, don't forget to think about people you know as
possibilities... Have fun and BE SAFE!
- Alice
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Menage a Trois?
