Dear Perplexed,

How about just saying what you would like?

Such as "I want to see this movie. Would like to go with me this weekend?"

Or, "Some of us were going to this event on campus. Would you like to join us?"

Or, "There is this cafe downtown that has really great food. Would you like to go there with me sometime this weekend?" Or, "Would you have any time for coffee this week?" Or, "Would you like to study together at the library and then go get some coffee?"

Give some information, including what you would like to do and when you would like to do it, and make sure you give him a choice. See it as an invitation, say it casually and caringly, and be prepared for either "yes" or "no." If your idea is rejected, then remember it is your idea that is rejected, not you. In the words of the famous flirting coach, Fran Greene, if someone does reject your invitation, they are, in fact, giving you a gift — the gift of time. Therefore, you will not have to waste your precious time thinking about asking that person to go out with you any longer. You can move on to try again with someone else.

Another famous flirt, the Queen of Cool, suggests a more straightforward approach. Rather than being prepared for a response of "yes" or "no", just assume that the person would, of course, want to go out with you. Why wouldn't he want to go out with you, since you are such a cool person? She suggests avoiding this approach: "Maybe if you have time, tomorrow, I understand if you can't, don't worry about it, forget it, oh well." Rather opt for something like, "This is fun, we should continue our conversation over lunch. What kind of food do you like?" Your confidence, even if it is a bit of bluff, will be contagious.

For more, check out Flirting and Does she like me? in the Go Ask Alice! Relationships archives.

Have fun asking!

Alice, who has asked

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